Considering having (more) children?

Are you considering having children? To determine whether
> you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you
> take this set of simple tests...
>
> MESS TEST:
> Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your
> hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the
> stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and
> leave it there all summer.
>
> TOY TEST:
> Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available,
> you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a
> friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try
> to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could
> wake a child at night).
>
> GROCERY STORE TEST:
> Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take
> them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep
> them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
>
> DRESSING TEST:
> Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net
> bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
>
> FEEDING TEST:
> Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend
> from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
> insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)
> into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now
> dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
>
> NIGHT TEST:
> Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12
> pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin
> to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag
> and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and
> sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen
> more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM.
> Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look
> cheerful.
>
> PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):
> Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your
> clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 40% of the
> beans.
>
> PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
> Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter.
> ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food
> store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to
> be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go
> home and read it quietly for the last time.
>
> FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
> Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on
> how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance,
> toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways
> they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never
> allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will
> be the last time you will have all the answers.